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countless of boyfriends, hoping that you wont confess to me your true feelings cause i wanted to be your friend, and i knew once you confessed things were going to change between us and i was correct, we started having endless quarrellls, you wanting to give up and me fToday is the first time i came back to livejournal after so long just wanted to blog my feelings out i guess nobody would read this space anymore, i stopped blogging a few years back when i left my 2 of my bestfriends, and my life mainly revolved around studying tell me what's so interesting about that to blog about?' so i made a silent vow to myself that i'll play hard after that Then came a few guys in my life after that who tried to go after me none of them worked. only this one guy who was so persistent, nobody was ever that persistent in going after me before so i guessed that i was flattered? you brought me to differeent places to club, you made me feel that someone out there cared. we were merely strangers, and we became acquaintance, then friends, friends with benefits and ending off with being together. This period of time i was together with you probably took us close to a year., you made me feel happy and upset at the same time a turmoil of feelings, you did the basic things of being a boyfriend, you cared, you provided concern, you tolerated my nonense, my bad moods, you not being good enough. and i secretly knew you would leave me before i do. I potray myself to you as a fliratous bitch with eeling tired. i knew all this while that you were interested in me, but i was not able to committ i was afraid of breakups, i'm a stupid coward and i didnt want to hurt anyone in the process of it all, i was afraid of getting over you that period of time. i ended up making you cry twice, i thought i wont ever cry for you, but i was wrong i ended up being upset more times than i like to remember, everytime when i said i want to give up, the truth to be told is that i never wanted thats why i hang on waiting for more to come, but i guess all this is pointless now cause you've already given up on me after my sister threatened you secretly i wish you were braver than that and maybe i'm being naive but i thought if we had feelings for each other it was all that mattered, i'm sorry you had to go through all the threats, and i have to go through all this shit to get over you. would you have stayed by me if we never did those bonding, those things how could you even do to hurt me? you knew i was innocent in that aspect and you used it against me, how do you want me to think of you? there were other methods you can used, and i have a heart made of feelings i can actually sense it if your sincere enough for my liking. i still have to go through the fact that you are moving on finding a new girl to entertain you, i got to go through all that shit and knowing your over me, before i do. you brought me there you didnt feel an inch of guilt and i started to think i was deluded to be here with you, that we were progressing too fast but you never ever stopped me, so i thought i was doing it correctly i wish that things could start all over again,that we were friends, and i'll do this correctly this time round i'm a messed up person in this i thought you could guide me in this but i didnt know at the end of the day, this was the outcome we would recieve i never had the guts to tell you that "i miss you," " i love you" i was afraid you would used it against me and leave me, but i just want to tell you when i'm with you i'm really happy thanks for everything goodbye.
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psychotic_gal's journal
cheerful
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